id be glad to
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
