remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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