True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
