Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
