to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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