Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
