please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
