it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
