I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
