Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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