i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
