We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You can't motorboat a personality
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
