why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
