So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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