how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
