so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
