So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
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