spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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