I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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