omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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