Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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