I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
