Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well I just put wine in my tea
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
