I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
