so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
