if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
