Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
