the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
