rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize