But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
In America we eat man semen.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
