Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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