If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
