Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
