Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
