just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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