You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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