I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
