he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
