Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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