Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize