ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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