she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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