so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
