Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
