put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
