No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
