i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
