Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You can't motorboat a personality
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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