I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
