she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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