dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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