she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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