Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
