apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
birth control should be required to get into college
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
