dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
