the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize