Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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