the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think a kid would responsible me up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
