I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
