Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
