the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
