I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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