found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
