Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
