I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
even my farts smell like vagina
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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