Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
