i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
