I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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