when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
