I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
