i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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