I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize