You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize