if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
