dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
