She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
