How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
