Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
