Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize