OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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