I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
