WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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