She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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