That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
