i wish my penis had a tongue
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Randomize