On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
