its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
