Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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