Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
