remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
