Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
