soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
