He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
